One of the Perks of being a Grown-up

Being independent is a valuable trait, particularly when you are transitioning from child to adult. However, the deeper into adulthood I travel the more frequently I discover that inter-dependence is the key to being both, an accomplished adult and part of a community. Whether the help we give is small or significant is not what matters.

How often did I stumble, struggle, or fall down because I did not know who to ask or, for that matter,  what to ask?

I have made and continue to make plenty of mistakes that are mine to own. As a younger woman, the notion that I should be able to manage whatever life sent my way was the idea that I tripped over most frequently.  I was embarrassed if I needed help or did not know how to manage some new task that would crop up, only to learn that it was some routine aspect of adult life.

I remember the first time a grown-up, unrelated to me, saw me at a loss for how to move forward and helped me navigate a few unexpected obstacles. Some of it was small stuff like figuring out how to switch over the utilities from the previous occupant's name to my own in my first apartment. Sometimes her advice - like how to be a good neighbor to Mrs. James, the octogenarian who lived across the hall, while limiting the lengthy and confusing conversations between us to only one or two a week, turned out to be valuable life lessons.

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned from her was to be open to offers of help. I still had a long way to go before I learned to ask for help (at least in a timely manner), but as a result of her easy manner and offers of help I have had dozens and dozens of other-like experiences since then. People who have offered advice, support, and friendship as I traveled the terrain of life as an adult.

Someone once did or will do for me much of what I do and hope to do for others. It is this easy sense of give and take that lets me know I am part of a community in which we all help each other both, in dealing with life's challenges and in maintaining a healthy balance between doing for ourselves and doing for others.

Being grown does have its perks.

First Day of School

two girls off to school

buoyant girls, light, floating, glad

two girls in happy rain

It all happens so fast ... this life.

July 2009 was the first time we met you. Was it really only two years ago? It could have been last week we met your return flight from TN, except there are not enough days to then account for time at Teri & Nadav's, holidays, dinners, conversations over laundry, auditions – what’s it been six or seven roles/shows you have been in since we met? There was no shortage of late-night cramming sessions balanced by long talks about everything from hopes for the future to Warhammer back stories. I feel like there must be some sort glitch in the space time continuum!

Remember making holiday gifts for your family? Learning how to make homemade spaghetti sauce? Your first gaming session - it was Rachael’s game right? When did you finally overcome Miriam’s expertly executed “Little Sister of Insurmountable Annoyance” to become (and sustain)your big brother status with her? Yes, I know she is still annoying – that is a little sister’s job.

'Think for minute of the hours and hours you have kept me company while I worked on murals. Now - Blink - you are graduating, leaving for England, and meeting up with Ellen for lunch in London. Turn around twice more and you're moving into the dorms, you land a job on the Sun Star, and somehow survived Stage Craft (aka drafting HELL), all while trying to figure out if there was enough Mountain Dew on the planet to help you focus on homework at the end of the day!

Not all of it has been fun. You did your best to avoid learning how to be alone, ended up having to deal with that discomfort anyway, and discovered that while it can suck - being alone did not always equal being lonely. An experience that the residents on your hall will benefit from this fall, when their days seem too short or too dark, and they need someone to talk with.

Since we met, you have made new friends, struggled through loneliness, increased your (paying) job experience by 400%, and landed a gig for the coming year with Residence Life. In the past year you have developed a whole new sense of what you are capable of: Carrying a full load of classes, holding down a job, a full rehearsal schedule, all while staying in touch with friends both here and out-of-state.

There is too much to try and mention here. Each memory I include only gives way to another that feels equally significant. This life! It moves so fast! You have heard it before, but now that you have left your teen years behind and are a newly minted “20-Something” it is time to hear it again. Slow Down!

Breathe.
Let yourself take it all in.
Dance to your own drum.
Follow or lead, as you like, but do it at your pace.

Every life is filled with its share of bitter and sweet. Rushing ahead will not make what is bitter go faster any more than dragging your feet will make what is sweet last any longer. Being able to appreciate either as impermanent is how we cope with difficulties of life as well as remember to fully enjoy what is good. With this bit of advice out of the way, I have a gift for you on the auspicious occasion of your birth.

Unexpectedly, it is a guarantee.

It is with complete certainty that I say to you now: Whatever – Whoever, lies ahead as you move through the days and years of your life, I promise you, will be there when you arrive. I know this with complete certainty, so slow down:

You are worth waiting for.

Happy Birthday Daniel, I hope this year is, in fact, everything you never knew you always wanted.

Camping with Cousins

Another free picture collage by Smilebox